Fear is something I need to work on. I struggle with it multiple times a day because of this illness, but I can't let it take over my life. By allowing fear in, I might as well be waving a white flag and saying you have won. It is hard to not let your mind wonder into those dark places of this will never get better. But what will I do if I have to battle and fight for my life for several decades?
I was not much of a planner for my life, I believed whatever happened, happens for a reason, but I did NOT think this would happen to me. Not in a million years! The life I lived before was completely opposite of how I live my life now. I was strong, extremely independent, an exercise fanatic, and pushed myself to all limits. Now at 23, my mother has to help me bathe, stand up/walk, prepare my meals, and the hardest task, be a strong caregiver. I didn't think I would have to have home health help take care of my picc line, or use a walker in public, but life has definitely thrown me a curve ball.
What can you do though? The only way to be able to climb over this gigantic mountain of emotional and physical struggles is to do your best and except this new life. The more one struggles and tries to resist it, the tougher life is. I have been reading a book called "Radical Acceptance, Embracing Your Life With the Heart of Buddha", and I really recommend reading it. It will help you in multiple parts of your life and is a book that you can always go back to for a way to be uplifted again (I am constantly highlighting). It takes you step by step on how to recognize, be at ease and then accept our struggles. The writer interjects different real life situations and stories so the reader can really relate and get closer to the book. In the end you will learn different tools to help you in your life and hopefully you will become more at peace with yourself.
"We have to face the pain we have been running from. In fact, we need to learn to rest in it and let its searing power transform us."- Charlotte Joko Beck
Stay strong... you are not alone.
(Apologizes if parts of the post don't make since or if there are errors, my noggin has liked to stay in a foggy state lately)
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
What's your ride?
So this past Saturday while most people were out shopping for their finishing touches for their Halloween costume, I was picking out what color I wanted my rolling walker to be. Did I want blue or red? What type of hand breaks did I like the best? And most of all did I want to customize my basket and add a seat cover? I didn't realize there were so many things to take into consideration when picking out this mode of transportation.
It would have been an easy choice of color if i wasn't a giant and needed the tallest walker. For some reason the taller population does not get as many color options, and i simply don't think that is right! I wanted the sleek and chic, classic black but had to settle for "midnight blue".... sigh. I was a very unhappy camper because i wanted to try to stand out as little as possible. This is why I opted out for the zebra print pouch and cheetah seat cover.
Since we were at the medical supply store I gave in and bought a wheel chair also. There have been several days were i can not walk from the car to my bed or crawl from the floor to my bed so having a wheel chair on hand will be helpful for my caretakers. It will even allow me to go for a stroll outside so I can get out if my house when I am having bad spells like the last three weeks. I would rather stand on my two feet and walk at the outdoor shopping center, but I can't be stubborn and just be grateful this will give me the opportunity to escape the four walls I look at every day.
The last purchase I made I am actually kinda excited about. It is an aerobic pedal exerciser for your legs and arms. It is a small gadget that doesn't take up much room like a recumbent bike would. It also has the option to add resistance which is another great feature. This
I did all of this while wearing a foam neck collar... Boo... I am 23 going on 80 it feels like.
It would have been an easy choice of color if i wasn't a giant and needed the tallest walker. For some reason the taller population does not get as many color options, and i simply don't think that is right! I wanted the sleek and chic, classic black but had to settle for "midnight blue".... sigh. I was a very unhappy camper because i wanted to try to stand out as little as possible. This is why I opted out for the zebra print pouch and cheetah seat cover.
Since we were at the medical supply store I gave in and bought a wheel chair also. There have been several days were i can not walk from the car to my bed or crawl from the floor to my bed so having a wheel chair on hand will be helpful for my caretakers. It will even allow me to go for a stroll outside so I can get out if my house when I am having bad spells like the last three weeks. I would rather stand on my two feet and walk at the outdoor shopping center, but I can't be stubborn and just be grateful this will give me the opportunity to escape the four walls I look at every day.
The last purchase I made I am actually kinda excited about. It is an aerobic pedal exerciser for your legs and arms. It is a small gadget that doesn't take up much room like a recumbent bike would. It also has the option to add resistance which is another great feature. This
I did all of this while wearing a foam neck collar... Boo... I am 23 going on 80 it feels like.
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